On Fear…

Written by on April 2, 2012 in Blog, Daily Life With Jesus, Fears and Blessings - 2 Comments

Fear like a funnelcloud

I am scared more often than I like to admit.

I am scared of little things, like trying something new. I fear bad days. I hate fights with my husband because they tear into my soul and rake up all kinds of fears, of the kind of person that I am and the kind of person he can be. These are the fears that are easiest to focus on, because they are immediate and they are temporary. Trying something new usually goes better than I expected, and even when it goes badly, it doesn’t ruin me like I thought. Fights with my husband end with laughter and grace, like a flash storm in the summer that is fierce for a moment, but blows quick and dies out.

I am really scared of big things. I have a love/hate relationship with change. I used to say I loved change and lived for it, but that was only half true. I love telling people I love change and I love when change is in motion. But I hate when change is stalled, when I’m living somewhere between the dream and the reality. I hate that change is always tinged with sadness because it means leaving something behind. And anytime I turn from one thing to another, fear enters in. Fear says “this isn’t worth it.” Fear says “you might be terrible at this.” Fear says “don’t try.”Fear says “this might turn out badly.” And fear always focuses on pain.

Fear preys on our desires for comfort, elevating comfort to the highest goal. Fear says ignore your dreams and yearnings for the bigger life, and stay safe and comfortable and complacent right where you are. Fear knows that when we face change, we won’t ignore what isn’t good about our lives right now, so fear tries to make the unknown much worse than the present. Fear says “you think this is hard now, but doing X will be so much worse.” Fear loves the what if.

Fear tells us that change is an option. Life tells us that change is inevitable.

Fear also has our body on its side. Fear can make our hearts race and our palms sweat and lays a blanket of dread over our shoulders. Fear twists our stomachs and tells us to hurry up and hide. Fear loves escape.

Fear makes our eyes go wild, and we see those around us as predators rather than allies. We doubt motives and we doubt hearts. We turn in ourselves. We believe the lie that we can trust no one. We lose ourselves in our own doubts, and we don’t allow the winds of change to blow in and through us. We close ourselves off and those winds begin to swirl around and around in our own souls, creating a funnel cloud of worry. We begin to believe the little story of cynicism and pain. We focus on one sentence of hardship and lose the whole chapter of beautiful growth.

The opposite of fear is faith. As my faith has grown, God has invited me to dream bigger and to obey quicker. But, surprise! Even as I take steps of obedience, even as I see God move in might ways, I still get scared. My fear is growing right alongside my faith. But I’m also learning that God doesn’t leave me alone in my fear–it’s me who blocks Him out. It’s me who chooses the lonely, swirling funnelcloud of fear.

I don’t want to live a life of little faith so that I can face little fears. The opportunity for the better story is just too compelling. I want all of it–the faith, the adventure, the obedience, the change. So I move, one step at a time, forward in faith. With each step I take, fear walks alongside of me. It is my choice to listen to the fear or strain my ears for the melody of love, for the song God sings to me, the truth that he gives me (and you) in every turn of scripture, from beginning to end:

Do not be afraid Abram, for I will protect you, and your reward will be great. Genesis 15:1

If only you would prepare your heart and lift up your hands to him in prayer! Get rid of your sins and leave all iniquity behind you…You will be strong and free of fear. You will forget your misery. It will all be gone like water under the bridge.  Your life will be brighter than the noonday. Any darkness will be as bright as morning. You will have courage because you will have hope. You will be protected and will rest in safety.  You will lie down unafraid, and many will look to you for help. Job 11:13-19

That is why we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? Hebrews 13:6

When I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. But he laid his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid! I am the First and the Last. I am the living one who died. Look, I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and the grave.” Revelation 1:17-18

I am thankful for my Savior, who never leaves me alone in my fear. Who taught me what it looks like to walk in faith and obedience, and in doing so, he conquered death. Even when I face pain, I face it with him. And when I walk forward in faith, I do not go alone.

The Funny Thing About Writing a Book

Written by on March 28, 2012 in Blog, Spiritual Dryness, writing - 5 Comments

the book in it's first stages

The funny thing about writing a book, about sweating and bleeding all over the pages, about waiting and wanting a book contract, about spending hours on edits and publicity dates and marketing plans and pre-orders and social media and speaking engagements…the funny thing about it, is it’s not the only thing.

Writing this book hasn’t changed my life. It doesn’t make me less secure or make me feel more professional. Most of the time I feel like I’m still just a poser, a little girl trying to wear heels and act big and brave. And the funny thing is, many more exciting things have happened in my life since I hit send on that manuscript. My daughter can do a back handspring. My son’s soccer team finally got a win. I’ve been co-leading the congregational prayer at church, which may seem like a little thing but is very significant to my heart for some reason.

I’ve watched young twentysomethings that I love grow in their relationship with God and in their call to ministry. I’ve listened to my own soul, to the stirring and sifting that God continues to do in my life. These things are just as important to me as the words on the page of that almost-done book.

So although I am excited and I will post pictures on Facebook and I will sign books like a grown-up author, inside, I’m still a little bewildered. Still trying to figure out how exactly to live between the highs and the lows of ministry, mothering, teaching and writing. Teetering on the balance point of listening and speaking, of acting and waiting. But the fulcrum of that balance point is always trust. Trusting the God is at work. Trusting that God is on time. Trusting that God will do exactly what he intends to do with this book and with my life.

The distance from my heart to my mouth (or fingers in this case) seems beyond my ability to travel. I can’t get the words to come out of my heart, because they are jumbled up, fear, excitement, peace, nervousness, wonder and cynicism, all bound together, tangled, tumbling over each other, elbowing one another for position, trying to claim priority.

And when that happens, the best thing I can do is be silent. Be with the Lord. Write not for you but for me, not here but in my journal. Read scripture not for you but for me, not for what I can teach but what God will teach me. I must–we all must–feed the deepest places of our souls, the parts that no human can see or interact with, the part that is only spirit and met by Spirit. I expect him to be waiting, ready to do some sorting. And I’m so glad I’m never alone with this wild, tangled heart.

 

Avoiding Grace like the Plague

Written by on March 23, 2012 in Blog, One Word 2012 - 2 Comments

This is the time of the year where most people who’ve chosen their One Word mutter to themselves: what the heck was I thinking?

If you chose a word that would stretch you, that spoke to your soul in a deep way, chances are you aren’t living it out like you hoped. Sure, it would have been awesome to choose a word that already matched my personality, like “impatient” or “driven” or “quick to speak”. I could be writing this post celebrating to you how good I am at being my unfiltered self. Yay! I’d tell you, I’ve done a great job sticking my foot in my mouth, speaking quickly and often, and never, ever being OK to wait!

But that’s not what this is about. It’s about growth, change and reaching for something we long for but need extra attention and effort to make it happen.

And as I reflect on my One Word, Deliver, most of what I feel is failure. I read back on my own posts and I picked Deliver because I wanted to be diligent. I wanted to follow through. I wanted to do everything that God gave me to do with faithfulness and gratefulness and patience. And apparently, that’s not what God meant when he planted that word in my head.

Instead of faithful, I’ve felt fickle. Instead of grateful, I’ve been petulant. Instead of patient, I’ve been anxious. I can chalk it up to all kinds of circumstantial things: not enough time (a favorite go-to excuse), not enough support, a lingering cough, a cancelled day of school. But the reality is, I’ve been torn in my heart and spirit about what exactly God is doing and has me to do. I’ve been vision-less for many things. I’ve been lacking heart in others. I’ve made promises that I haven’t kept. I’ve cancelled on appointments. I’ve not shown up for my friends. I’ve been the opposite of what I’d hoped would characterize my year.

Deep breath. Breathing in truth.

Turns out, when I stopped “delivering” I discovered something else: I avoid needing grace like the plague.

I really like to not need grace for myself. I love to pretend like I give it all the time (and sometimes I truly do), but I just don’t want to actually need it from my friends, from my family, from my work, from my obligations that I don’t keep. I don’t like to show weakness. I don’t want to have a crisis of heart, of faith or of anything in front of anyone.

Deep Breath. Insert God.

Thankfully, when I dive, I dive off the deep end, which makes it difficult for me to do really anything without needing God like crazy. And so I’ve needed him like crazy, praying constantly, finding a space where I can be alone and call out to him like a toddler needs her mama. And He’s delivered. He’s delivered on his promises to set my plans in place (ahem, not just let me do it myself). He’s delivered on his promise to hear me when I call. He’s delivered on his promise to answer prayer (apparently I had no faith at all in his ability to do that, because he’s knocking me over by actually proving me wrong). He’s delivered on his promise to blow his spirit through our home, to give us a sense of His presence in a bold way that we’ve never quite experienced.

I wasn’t expecting failure to be part of me knowing why my word is Deliver. I thought it was about me (which seems to always be the wrong answer). Turns out, Deliver is about what God will do.

God will deliver. He will deliver me from myself. He will deliver vision, purpose and plan and then stand by me or carry me through those plans. He will not be thwarted by my own sin, my own agenda, my own impatience, or my lack of faith. His word stands true regardless of how I “feel” about it from one moment to the next.

He is strong and he is sure. He is power and he is presence. He is real and he is here.

How’s your One Word going? I would love to hear about it! If you’ve written a blog post, please let me know in the comments. Or leave your thoughts in the comments and I will pray for you (I mean it!).

 

 

The Day After

Written by on March 19, 2012 in Blog, Daily Life With Jesus - No Comments

When I was twenty-three years young and starting off my life in ministry, my pastor told me to “never make any major decisions three days after serving on a retreat.” It was one of the best things he ever told me, and I am reminded again about what happens when we truly pour out our hearts to serve.

We end up empty.

This year I’ve taught and traveled more than I ever have before, so much so that when this weekend’s ice breaker question asked “who’s slept in a hotel in the last month?” I had no idea. I could hardly remember where I slept the night before…or the weekend before in Houston, or the weekend before that in North Carolina, or the time before that in DC…or Atlanta…

And I’ve discovered how much I love to serve in this way, to truly pour out my heart all over the pages of scripture and into the waiting eyes and ears of these groups, women and men longing to experience an ancient truth falling fresh into their hearts. Truly looking and longing to be encouraged, motivated, inspired to reach again for the truth of Jesus and to be changed.

But the day after all that pouring…it always, always stinks. I’m reminded of the story in the gospels, when Jesus takes Peter, James and John up the mountain and they experience the sacred, holy, powerful presence of God. And then they come down the mountain to everyone squabbling, harassed, annoyed with each other and with them. And that’s sort of like the Monday after a retreat.

I come home, and although my heart and soul are clear that I have served faithfully and well, my body and my emotions lag behind. I am spent in every sense of the word: weary in my body, weary in my mind, weary in my heart. My emotions do crazy things and I alternately cry, yell and think about changing everything about my life. Every crazy idea I’ve had about living in a commune, working in a corporation, moving to a farm, jetting to California, or homeschooling my kids in an RV comes on the Monday after a retreat.

What I learn in this time is that I am fragile. That although my spirit might be strong for the battle, my flesh is often weak. And there is nothing I can “do” to make this feeling go away. Instead, I just have to “be.” I just have to live in it, and while 95% of me freaks out, the 5% of me, the part I imagine that’s just rocking on a porch swing, calm, the part of me that feels much older than the rest…that part of me just sits quietly, letting the storm of emotions come and go, knowing that  a good meal and a good night’s rest will restore, revive and refresh the rest of me. And I am thankful for Sabbath. I am thankful for forced rest and time away. I am thankful for the restorative presence of nature, of the seasons that remind me that there are times of barrenness and times of bloom.

And I make it from breakfast to lunch to dinner and I celebrate that the sun will set, the day will end, and the Lord’s compassion will be new in the morning. If you are one of the faithful who serve in ministry, who pour yourselves out for children or for youth groups, who preach or counsel…I bet you can understand. And I pray for you, and for me, that God would refresh us in due time for another round of pouring out.

More than Enchanting: A Chat with Author Jo Saxton

Written by on March 14, 2012 in Blog, Guest Bloggers - No Comments

For years I’ve prayed to know women who were smart, strong and leading in the church. And God brought me the Synergy Conference and not one women but dozens who’ve helped me embrace my own call to lead. Most recently, I’ve had the pleasure of knowing Jo, who, despite knowing a million and one awesome women, has not only encouraged me but reached out, calling me, chatting, spurring me onto the things that God has called me–and her!–to do. So I am so happy to introduce Jo and her first book (published in the US; she’s all famous in the UK) to you!  Here’s a few questions I wanted to ask Jo about leading, ministry and writing a book:

1. Jo–you’ve lead in all kinds of ways, and all around the world! When did you first recognize that God was calling you into leadership roles? 

I was the kind of person who also ended up in leadership  positions, even in my teen years – whether I liked it or not. I would be recommended or voted into roles. I could never work out why.  I always had dreams and ideas, but felt very unworthy of them and lacked confidence. It was during a my Bible College years that I was able to process with mentors that God had been trying to get through to me all my life.

2. What is one of the differences you’ve observed in the American church since moving here from the UK?

In America it seems that its still culturally acceptable to be an active member of a church, and to expect that Christian values should have an influential role in shaping politics and  society.

In the UK  to say you go to church and believe in Jesus is at best seen as unusual, and or worse – just plain weird. And the idea  that the Christian faith would expect to have an influential role in the politics of the day  is not welcome one!

3. Do you think in some sense that all women are leaders? And if not, what qualities do you think are important for women leaders?

I think in some sense we are. We’re more influential than we’re often comfortable with. There is always someone looking at some part of  our lives as an example, . Also the Great Commission applies to every single Christian, not just those with a call to ministry.  We’re  all called to lead others to Christ, to make disciples, wherever we are, whatever stage of life we’re in.

4. What is one of the most challenging things you’ve faced as a leader?

Gosh – so many things come to mind! Leadership is a wonderful privilege, but its tough sometimes! I think the most challenging thing I’ve face and continue to face is  to keep a healthy heart. That means forgiving when people hurt, and say mean things to me and I’d like to cry or slap someone , or both.. It means walking away from comparison and competition even when my insecurities would like to indulge me in an secret smackdown in my heart. It means that when things go really well and exciting  opportunities come my way that I need to remember WHO this is about  - Jesus. In those moments I need to reject the delusions of grandeur self satisfaction, ensure all glory goes to Jesus, and get on with carrying my cross and following Him. Its been really important to have solid raltionships with people who know me well and speak truth into my life, especially when its not what I want to hear.

5. If you could tell women just one important thing about leadership, what would it be?

Read about all the female leaders in the Bible who served God faithfully. They’re part of your spiritual heritage and they illustrate your God given potential.

6. More than Enchanting is a book about influence. What will your next book be about?

 The next book I wrote with my friend Sally Breen. Its called High Heels and Holiness and is a discipling book for Christian young adult women.  We talk about identity, calling,  friends, dating, marriage, sex,  life being a grown up Christian woman in a complex world. FUN!

7. In the book, you talk about a time that your friend Steve asked you this question, “Thirty years from now, and someone stands up to propose a toast about you….what will they say you have done with your life?” So, Jo, what’s your answer? What do you hope it will be?

My hope is that they would say I had a strong marriage, and raised  daughters who had grown into strong Christian women with vibrant God filled lives.  They’d acknowledge the presence of our  big extended family of people who we’ve done life with for years, with some spiritual children who are as close to us as our girls They would say I wasn’t jaded or cynical about serving Jesus, but that I was still passionate, still a visionary.  My husband and  I would have run a fun race together: We’d have led some churches that became centers of mission, serving their cities, and beyond. We’d have  raised up a generation of missional leaders who planted churches around the world, doing way more than we could ever achieve. We’d have empowered  generation of women who didn’t just dream and wonder, but who lived out their call before God. And as they raised glasses, people would wonder at my gravity defying toned arms and  taut abs. Though they’d work out my hair totally was dyed, mind you. After the all the fun  Chris and me would then have a month long sabbatical in Hawaii to prayerfully consider what missional adventure would shape our 70’s. And I’d ask my kids when they were planning on giving me grandchildren.

Jo Saxton is a director of 3DM, a movement/organization helping church leaders make discipleship and mission the heartbeat of the local church. She travels and speaks to leaders all over the country. More than Enchanting is her second book.

I’d love to give this book away to a woman in ministry who’s looking for resources to help her lead. If that describes you, just email me at nicoleunice AT takeheartministry DOT com. First email is the winner!

 

Hoarders, Possessions and Jesus: A Guest Post from Brittany Robles

Written by on March 12, 2012 in Guest Bloggers - No Comments

It's just a little bit of clutter, I swear.

I’m a week off media today in honor of the 7 Challenge, so today I’ve got a guest! Please welcome Brittany Robles. We only know each other from Twitter, but since we share a love of Jesus, R & B, and Jen Hatmaker, I thought we should be friends. If you wannt be like me, you’ll find and befriend Brittany on Twitter or over on her super-fun blog. So cue up some awesome intro music in your head, because herrrreeeee’sss Brittany!!! 

 

Confession:  I love the show Hoarders.  Not love as in, “It makes me feel warm and fuzzy.” But more love as in, “I feel sick but I can’t turn away, and now I need to throw away all of my stuff before I turn into a hoarder.”  You following?

Anyway, as I was on the subway commuting to work this morning, being wrecked again and again by Jen’s words in 7, I started to think about that concept of hoarding.  About how it probably starts off innocently enough, but an item becomes a box of items, and suddenly boxes fill one room, then two, and the process continues until you’re numb to the fact that you’re living in absolutely chaos and, often times, filth.

And then I started to think about the concept of spiritual hoarding.  We attend our bible studies, our small groups, our Sunday and mid-week church services.  We talk theology with one another over coffee and load up on programs within the church.  We hoard our blessings–the material and immaterial alike.  And we hardly pay it any mind.

7 is uncomfortable for me because it is exposing my hoard.  It is exposing my filth.  It is exposing the emotional baggage I never wanted to deal with.  It is exposing mindsets and beliefs that have nothing to do with Jesus and everything to do with selfish tendencies, including the need to “save face” in front of others.

What if Hoarders is an exact representation of the spiritual lives of so many wealthy Americans? (I’m talking to you, too, 99%ers!  On the worldwide scale, we’re all filthy rich.)  We attend our programs, we accumulate spiritual wealth, but we never spend ourselves on the poor, the widow, the orphan.  We may say we intend to pour out that which we’ve received and then never get around to it (similar to a hoarder who buys gifts for friends and family and yet never distributes them, only to contribute to the hoard.)  So these beautiful things we are filling ourselves with eventually grow old, get covered in dust, rot away.  The things which were once beautiful are beautiful no longer because they were not shared and given as God intended.  Before we know it, we’re sitting in filth and we can’t figure out how we got here.

And beyond the spiritual hoard is a literal, physical hoard.  Okay, it may not be bulging out of our doorways and covered in cockroaches (ew, I know), but we have way more than we need.  Seriously.  The worst part is, so many of us go into debt to have these things (I am a guilty party).  We profess that we “need” them, but I think if we had only what we absolutely needed, our lives would be significantly stripped down.  Yet somehow we’ve conned ourselves into thinking that computers, televisions and smartphones are all “needs”.  These are luxuries and we ought to call them what they are.  Don’t mishear me– I’m not saying having those things is wrong.  But what I am saying is that they are not needs and we so often place them above the poor, the hungry, the lost and the suffering on our list of priorities.

We proclaim that we desperately desire to be like Jesus, but forget that he lacked even a place to lay his head (Matt. 8:20, Luke 9:58).  We forget that Jesus spent his time with those outside the walls of the temple, those who the religious people would not associate with, and that He spoke good news of forgiveness, redemption and reconciliation with God.  We forget that He told us to go, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.  Katie Davis so simply put it, “Myself doesn’t want to be hungry.”  If given the choice between clothing ourselves and clothing the naked, which would we choose?  If given the choice between another overpriced restaurant dinner and feeding the hungry, which would we choose?  If given the choice between a comfortable church service and an opportunity to share the gospel with someone, which would we choose?  Are we adding to our earthly hoard, unwilling to let it go, or are we storing up for ourselves treasure in heaven?  Because, friends, Hoarders is an excellent example of the fate of our earthly possessions.  And Jesus told us, “…store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal”.Are we ready to unload our hoard and allow Jesus to fill those newly emptied spaces of our lives?  Are we willing to live with open hands and hearts instead of relapsing back into our hoarding tendencies?

Let’s surrender our hoard and invite Jesus in to help us restore what was once beautiful.  We can’t do it alone.  Jesus, help us.

 

seriously, I told you she was fun

Brittany Robles is a 26-year-old Vermonter turned New Yorker, living in Brooklyn with her brand new good-lookin’, Jesus-lovin’ husband, Adam.  Brittany worships and serves with a church plant in Manhattan, Movement NYC (http://movementnyc.org).  She fell in love with Ethiopia during her first missions trip there in 2009 and has returned twice since, and just recently returned from a church missions trip to El Salvador.  Though a paralegal by trade, her real specialties are witty banter, loving orphans and baking delicious cupcakes.  Brittany is a recovering “Martha” who relapses often and is thankful for Jesus and the abundant grace He bestows.

I am not an activist

Written by on March 8, 2012 in Causes - 11 Comments

This week there has been quite a splash in the social media world. With almost thirty-three MILLION YouTube views in three days, the charity Invisible Children has launched a video and print campaign to bring awareness to an international war criminal, Joseph Kony. Trending worldwide on Twitter today are #KONY, #KONY2012, #StopKony, and Uganda.

Joseph Kony is a violent man in power, evil personified. He is a kidnapper of children, creating an army of children soldiers, forcing them to mutilate and rape. Joseph Kony represents everything that we hate. The loss of innocence. Wild, irrational violence. Egregious violations of everything we hold sacred in America. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness completely obliterated, captured in living color in the blank eyes of a seven-year-old boy hoisting a machine gun.

I did what most everyone did yesterday. I watched part of the short film and then shared it on Facebook. I retweeted two or three times. I talked with my coworker about how terrible this atrocity is and how we haven’t been able to stop him. I thought about ordering some posters.

And then I took my car into the body shop for an estimate, picked my kids up from school, and started figuring out what I could forage out of the freezer for dinner. Kony was not on my mind. Child soldiers were not on my mind.

Later that night, I checked my twitter feed again and discovered the inevitable controversy that accompanies something as complex as assassinating a warlord hidden in an African jungle for the past six years. Invisible Children has been investigated, the tumblr posts and old newspaper articles said. They aren’t fiscally responsible. They advocate violence. Then, the backlash. “Stop critiquing!” said the voices, “Get involved!” I read a few hundred words on a topic that people study for years. And then I went to sleep.

I romanticize activism. I admire people who are working so hard against injustice. I want to support them and I think they are incredible, all that knowledge and passion united against one cause. I have friends who are passionate about the orphan crisis, friends who are passionate on both sides about the women’s ultrasound law HB 462, friends passionate about school choice. About healthy lunches. About sex trafficking. About maternal mortality.  Wouldn’t it be great to care so deeply about one thing….?

But honestly, the whole complex debate makes me want to hide under my covers and sing myself a lullaby. I don’t want to try and figure out what laws need to be passed to stop traffickers. I don’t want to know about Joseph Kony and children’s mutiliated faces and bodies and hearts. I don’t want to know about fistulas in Africa and distended bellies in Haiti and child prostitutes in India. It makes me sick. It makes me want to cry. It makes me want to take my children and run for the hills and start canning my own food—because I read an article once from a passionate person who said eating tomatoes out of cans is the same as exposing my children to nuclear fallout. Ok, not quite. But they were passionate about why tomatoes in cans are horrible. Some would say they were “activists” against tomatoes in cans.

But for every passionate cause and solution, there are critics. For every blog about tomatoes in cans, there is the FDA and the government and thousands of food scientists who try to make things safe and healthy.

For every Kony ad campaign, there are wise and seasoned military experts and lawmakers who’ve spent years debating the use of force in a land that is not ours to govern. We are a people who are as conflicted as the government. We want peace, but we want less military. We want humanitarian aid, but that often means we want bad guys brought to justice…which means tanks and guns and snipers and soldiers.

We want to raise a peace-loving generation, but secretly hope our neighbor’s son will be the one who enlists. And with loud voices, we will take our “White Savior” complex, a phrase to describe the white majority’s belief that they are the benevolent savior of all—to the ends of the earth.

The writer in me wants to give a nice ending to this article, to tie it up in a bow, to justify my apathy by saying I vote (which I do) and that raising awareness is enough (is it really?) and that I donate to fiscally responsible charities (always hoping they aren’t corrupted while also feeling guilty that I don’t give enough.)

But I don’t have an easy ending. I am ambivalent about raising my voice for issues that I don’t understand enough about. I am busy, but wonder if I’m busy doing the right things. Guilt sets in. Are my priorities out of whack when I cook dinner or enjoy an evening with friends or encourage a volunteer at my church? This is the crux of the problem…the more information I have, the more guilt-laden and joyless I feel. I don’t know what to do.

I am a reluctant activist. Or perhaps actively reluctant?

Does anyone relate?

Some other resources to consider:

The Stop Kony video from Invisible Children

A take on Kony from an American living in Uganda

Resources on the crisis and controversy (if you are an actual activist)

To Celebrate

Written by on March 5, 2012 in Blog, spiritual disciplines - No Comments

Are you a worrier in prayer? Do you bring the worst case scenario before God, drooping your head like Eeyore before him, thinking you can’t expect the best but you can pray against the worst?

Then take heart, and pray bigger. Our God is a God of abundance. He is never short on joy, on presence, on faithfulness. If you cannot pray bigger, pray for more faith. I have realized that I am often a “worst case scenario” pray-er, reacting only to what is hard and not celebrating in what is good. And there is no place  more obvious that He is powerful than in my own weakness.

I fail as a mom every day, but my children celebrated my return home like I was a celebrity.

I always feel like I don’t give enough of my heart, yet in God’s hands it becomes plenty.

I often feel stale in my teaching, but God uses it anyway.

I am stubborn and disobedient, but God shows up and works around me.

This is grace. This is God’s generous provision, time and time again. Grace is fueled by love, shame is fueled by condemnation. One creates in us a desire to be more. One creates in us a desire to hide. Today, choose the best case scenario and praise God even when it hasn’t happened yet. Today, choose his grace and feel your heart stretch and grow, available for more of his love and power.

One of my favorite quotes from Martin Luther sums it up like this:

Faith is a living, daring confidence in God’s grace, so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times.

Pray for the celebration. Praise in advance. And live in his grace.

Now, some blog housekeeping!

The winner of Renee’s new book, Not Another Dating Book, is Amanda Roose. Amanda, I’ll get that book to you ASAP!

I need another week in the possessions portion of the Seven challenge! We have a snow day today; we are gathering up things to give away, and will be having our own yard sale March 31. The kids are already thinking about where they want to give their earnings away! We will start our media fast THIS Friday March 9th and continue to next Friday, March 16th.

It’s another new month! If you’ve been part of the One Word Challenge, I encourage you to reflect on your word this week and pray big things!

 

The Essential Ingredient to Ministry

Written by on February 29, 2012 in Blog, Leadership - No Comments

This week I wrote a note to our volunteer youth staff. I thought anyone in ministry might find it encouraging, as I believe the main ingredient needed for success in ministry isn’t one we applaud or train for. Here’s an excerpt from that letter:

 

The past few mornings I’ve been reflecting on the word “faithfulness”. The definition for faithfulness has four parts:

1. strict or thorough in the performance of duty

This definition certainly isn’t warm and fuzzy, yet I believe it’s the call of our lives. To be a follower of Jesus means that we are thorough in our examination of our hearts and lives. We are in a constant state of laying ourselves before God; allowing him to “search our hearts.” We are in the posture of believing that we sin; we need forgiveness; and that we aren’t always right. This is the posture of grace: for ourselves and for other people. And it’s also the grit that keeps us going, Sunday after Sunday. It’s the grit that has us drive the kid home even when we are tired; when we smile and offer a hug even when we are annoyed; when we keep sending the text even when we feel rejected. It’s the idea of “call”: the call universally as Jesus followers who live by the standard he sets for us, and the call specifically to youth ministry, throwing open the door of our life to messy, conflicted, emotional human beings called teenagers.

2. true to one’s word

To be true to one’s word means we practice what we preach. If we tell our students to invite friends–we invite our own friends to church. If we tell our students to persevere in affliction–we persevere. If we tell our students to ask for prayer and to pray for each other–we do the same. If we tell our students to seek peace in conflict–we do the same. And above all else, we seek after God. We practice. We practice by trying to read our bibles every day. We practice by praying that God would lead our steps–and then obeying immediately when we hear his small whisper. We practice by seeking our own spiritual growth, through books, articles, podcasts, sermons, worship music, and friends that edify us.

3. steady in allegiance and affection

4. reliable, trusted or believed

To be faithful means to be trusted. We cultivate trust in our students by being present. We come on Sunday and we serve and we ask them questions about their lives because we love them. We come when we are tired and when we are distracted. We seek to be a steady force in their tumultuous lives. We hold their confidence when they say “don’t tell anyone.” We hold their hearts when they feel broken. And we take a deep breath and pray for them. Out loud. In the moment. Because the one thing we have to offer is the ministry of presence and prayer. It’s our only “fix” and that’s a good thing.

5. adhering or true to a fact, a standard, or an original

This is my favorite definition of all, because this captures the idea that we are trying to adhere to a standard. Our standard is Jesus. The one who came with no impurity at all. Who loved fully and unconditionally: all races and religions, men, women and children. Oh, how I long to do this well!

Do we fail to keep all five of these definitions? Of course we fail. Every single day. But we are “strict” in our desire to try again; to accept forgiveness for our own shortcomings. We invite God to examine us, to clean our hearts and minds and to try again. We give up our own agendas and dreams and say to God “thy will be done.” We pray “thy will be done” over our students, over our friends, over our co-workers. We believe that God is at work even in the toughest of circumstances. We keep feeding our minds and souls and cultivating a daily practice of being with Jesus.

Thank you for being faithful. To the call to follow Jesus first, and to the call to work with students second. Someday we are going to have a eternal-long party, celebrating in heaven all that God did, is doing and will do at Hope. Also, in heaven, we dance like we did on Sunday night. :)

 


Reflections on a Challenge; or Why I’m Giving Up Fashion for Lent

Written by on February 25, 2012 in Blog, Causes - No Comments

My go-to look for seven days

I had no idea I would be this happy with this simplicity.

I LOVE clothes. I’ve been laying out my outfits for school/work/play since I was ten years old. I used to carefully select my clothes and lay them out, with hair accessories, jewelry and shoes included. I think if I had my own mannequin, I would have dressed it every night to prepare for the next day.

So although I knew the 7 day clothing challenge would be easier than the food (thank you sweet Jesus that is over), I had no idea how much I would actually ENJOY this week. What shoes will I wear? That’s easy. My boots. The only shoes I’m wearing this week, unless I’m running. Running clothes? Well, I chose my winter gear, so when it was 80 degrees in Richmond this week and I ran during lunch, I was the crazy lady with my pants rolled up to my knees, wearing a long-sleeve dress T-shirt. But here’s the thing: I didn’t really CARE. It was so easy! Here’s my random ramblings on what I’ve learned so far:

1. If I added one or two more items to my list (hello, I need a t-shirt) I could keep this up for a long time and not even mind.

2. I was thinking about getting dressed for a party this weekend (forgetting about the challenge) and it occurred to me that there are so many material things that make me happy. From a pretty bangle on my wrist to a great pair of shoes to a delicious meal, I definitely get joy out of things. And that doesn’t really bother me except when I don’t KNOW that. That’s the deception of our consumer culture. That’s what keeps me always wanting more instead of stopping to be grateful for the abundance I already have.

3. The purpose of a challenge like this–or of giving something up for Lent–or of fasting in any way–isn’t so that we can be proud of our spiritual discipline or claim our great status as followers of Jesus. The purpose of a challenge is not for a mountaintop experience with the Lord. It’s obedience–plain and simple. It’s allowing ourselves to be exposed to ourselves. It’s taking two steps away from our normal lives to ask the question: what do I allow to make me happy? What are the gifts God has given and how do I properly use them?

At the end of the day, this challenge is creating space in me for joy. It’s stretching me to experience the ordinary things of life for what they really are: gifts. It’s a sobering and re-centering experience on the incredible abundance that fills my life–and all of our lives. I don’t know exactly what this will yield in my life going forward. I’m still experiencing it and thinking about it, but I know that an honest appraisal of my life and heart will always yield good in God’s hands.

And hey–if you see someone in a black shirtdress, boots and a Northface jacket shivering on the streets of Washington DC tonight in the 28 degree weather–say hi, and give me your sweater. :)

Monday begins the Seven Possessions Challenge. My entire family will be giving away at least seven items per day for the week. I’m really looking forward to this group-experience cleanout! 

Don’t forget to leave a comment on Renee’s interview for a chance to win her book…I’ll pick my favorite answer and announce the winner Monday!

Next week I’m looking forward to interviewing Jo Saxton. Her book on leadership is rocking my world, and you are going to love meeting her!

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