I Miss You

Written by on May 15, 2012 in Blog, Daily Life With Jesus - 1 Comment

There’s a strange tendency among us “communicator” types. We can get so caught up in the endless cycle of learning and translating, observing and relating, speaking and writing, that we forget about you.

We forget about the people that are on the receiving end of all of this communication of truth and learning and wonder. Because of the way we were made, to constantly process information, to think about ways to take truth and make it real and relatable, we can get stuck in our own heads. And my head can be a like a school playground in a rough neighborhood. It looks like fun, but there’s a good chance some bully’s gonna push you off the swing and steal your snacks. And I often get stuck on the mental merry-go-round, spinning around with all kinds of ideas and wonderings and forgetting to stop.

And ask. And listen.

Because in the midst of this crazy season of speaking at retreats and releasing this book and filming the bible study to go with it, all of which I love, there is something more to it. The reason that I do this, the reason I blog and write and speak and make videos, the real reason I do it is because of you. I love people. I love their stories. I love their questions and their concerns. I love their doubts and their fears and I love when they voice them. I love when people are honest and vulnerable and real about their life with looking for God. I love when they are courageous enough to change. And more than anything, I love to watch people grow, and to encourage them in that growth. Because you know how growth is: sometimes it’s so slow, the only way we notice it is if someone else points it out.

As a kid, my family had a tradition of marking our growth in the kitchen door frame. Sometimes, if no one was around, we’d try to mark our height ourselves, straining to hold a pencil straight over the cowlick in the back of our heads. We’d end up skewing the angle and wondering why we had shrunk three inches since the last family measurement party. Life can be a little like that. We need someone else to eyeball our growth, to hold the pencil straight, to give us a true measurement, and to turn us around to look back at the markings and exclaim, “look how much you’ve grown!”

So when I write or speak or teach, it’s because I’m answering a question someone’s asked me. When I blog or write an article, I’m voicing words that I need to hear, or someone I love needs to hear. I’m getting to tell someone in my life, or myself, “look how much you’ve grown!”

So I miss you. I’d love to hear more from you and less from the ghetto kids on the playground in my head. And I wonder,
what are you learning right now, about yourself, or about life?
What questions do you have for God?
It’s your turn. I’d love to hear from you.

Grow

Written by on May 4, 2012 in Blog, Media - No Comments

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up." -James Baldwin

What if…

instead of asking how you are doing, we began to ask each other

what are you learning?

instead of seeking comfortable, easy and status quo, we picked

vulnerable and hard?

And what if life–life with God, life with others, life with purpose–isn’t about much more than growth?

Do what makes you grow. Accept from God’s hand what makes you grow. Make 2012 a year to look back and say “God shaped me there.”

 

In book-related news, I’m all around the web and radio this week. I’d love for you to join me, especially if it will help you grow. :)

On Ed’s Women in Ministry series: I share the most I’ve ever shared on the winding road of ministry:

although I thought I was on the slow track, the mommy track, the wrong track, he was only shaping my path, using the twists and turns to smooth out the rough edges of my soul, to embrace myself as a leader and a follower, a challenger and a nurturer, a teacher and a listener.

On Connie’s blog Culture Rebel: I get real about how scared I am.

When we lose ourselves in fear, we don’t allow the winds of change to blow in and through us. We close ourselves off and those winds begin to swirl around and around in our own souls, creating a funnel cloud of worry. We begin to believe that life moves from one pain to the next, that dreams do not come true.

Over with Laura Polk and Moms Together on Facebook: read the post here and join the conversation all day today!

When I’m looking for that perfect job, I’m striving to find purpose and belonging— and Jesus wants to meet me there. When I’m trying to figure out this relationship, I’m striving to feel loved—and Jesus wants to meet me there. When I stress about my appearance or body, I am striving to feel beautiful—Jesus wants to meet me there.

On Drew Marshall’s Radio Show: I’ll be featured at 3pm EST on Saturday talking about ALL KINDS of my issues!

And TONIGHT: I’ll be whooping it up with all the women in Richmond (and at least my mom from North Carolina!) who are excited about the message of She’s Got Issues. I am so darn blessed by these people. You should really come meet them. 7-9pm at Hope.

Jump in with some of these great bloggers websites, share away, and come tonight!

 

A Trip through Cyberspace

Written by on April 25, 2012 in Blog, RESOURCES - No Comments

I’m all over the place today, and I’d love for you to join me wherever you land!

  • On the Becoming podcast, we talk about living our faith with zero degrees of separation. We also talk about throwing cats out of apartment buildings. You’ll have to listen to find out why.
  • I’ll be on the Debbie Chavez show at noon talking about She’s Got Issues, particularly the issues of control, insecurity and fear. I’d love for you to listen in (or call in!), but the show will also be available for download after it airs.
  • My friend Jenni Catron just wrote such an awesome post about She’s Got Issues. If you want a better feel for the book, read her words. She’s also giving away a copy so go get a free one!
  • We are starting a cool month of promotion called “Own Your Issues.” I’ve got cool T-shirts, the DVD Curriculum, and tons of books to give away. But you need to sign up for my newsletter to get all the info, so do that here!

 

Finally, a thought for you that my friend texted me this morning: God “is your constant source of stability.” In a world that will often rock us with uncertainty, this is a precious truth today! Thank you for being such faithful readers, encouragers, and friends!

 

 

 

 

An Invitation

Written by on April 20, 2012 in Blog, RESOURCES - 1 Comment

Somehow, through a friend and a mishap and of course Twitter, I’ve had the very cool honor of spending some time with Bob Goff. Bob is a lawyer, the founder of Restore International, author of Love Does, and one of the coolest, most charismatic people I have ever met. His love for life and for Jesus are absolutely contagious, and he makes me want to be a more joyful, loving, adventure-accepting person every day. I just read this from his book:

“There is only one invitation it would kill me to refuse, yet I’m tempted to turn it down all the time. I get the invitation every morning when I wake up to actually live a life of complete engagement, a life of whimsy, a life where love does. It doesn’t come in an envelope. It’s ushered in by a sunrise, the sound of a bird, or the smell of coffee drifting lazily from the kitchen. It’s the invitation to actually live, to fully participate in this amazing life for one more day. Nobody turns down an invitation to the White House, but I’ve seen plenty of people turn down an invitation to fully live.

Turning down this invitation comes in lots of flavors. It looks like numbing yourself or distracting yourself or seeing something really beautiful as just normal. It can also look like refusing to forgive or not being grateful or getting wrapped around the axle with fear or envy. I think every day God sends us an invitation to live and sometimes we forget to show up or get head-faked into thinking we haven’t really been invited. But you see, we have been invited–every day, all over again.

–Bob Goff

If you can relate, you should buy Love Does. Now! :)

 

 

Perspective Shift

Written by on April 19, 2012 in Blog, Daily Life With Jesus - 1 Comment

What would you do if you knew that thing in your life–that frustration, that job, that relationship, that dream–was going to work out?

What would change in you if you knew that although it wouldn’t happen exactly how you want or in the time you expected, it would still happen?

In everything–every dream, every relationship, every hope–I’ve found I have two choices:

I can wrestle, worry, strive, manipulate, control or fret.

Or I can trust, hope, pray, be brave, step out in faith, and believe.

Both choices represent what my inner world is doing and what my actions will do as a result. In the first choice, my inner world is buzzing with what-ifs and worst case scenarios. It leads to control, fear, paralysis or hyperaction.

In the second choice, I discipline my soul into stillness. I make the choice to rest in who God is and to grip onto trusting His plan–not just trusting but expecting to see Him show up in my life. It leads to living in the present, making choices one day at a time, embracing grace and living out of love regardless of what happens next.

Try it. Imagine that thing in your life. If you knew it was going to work out, how would you live today?

In efficacious grace we are not merely passive, nor yet does God do some and we do the rest. But God does all, and we do all. God produces all, we act all. For that is what produces, viz. our own acts. God is the only proper author and fountain; we only are the proper actors. We are in different respects, wholly passive and wholly active.
Jonathan Edwards

Every Wednesday I host a podcast with my senior pastor, David Dwight. Somehow the streams of what’s going on in my life and on this blog often intersect. I’d love for you to check it out: it’s free, it’s 15 minutes long, and we’ve covered a bunch of topics already. This week we talk about the problem of narcissism in our culture and how it affects our faith. You can download it here or here!

 

Ugh. Budgets. A Guest Post by Jenny Schermerhorn

Written by on April 13, 2012 in Blog, Girl-Life; God-Life, Guest Bloggers - No Comments

This blog has been, like my life, a bit scattered lately. But although I haven’t written much about it, the impact of Jen Hatmaker’s book Seven is still rocking my world. Today I’m sharing the stage with a new friend I met when I was teaching a retreat this Spring. When I meet a woman who’s honest, passionate and willing to be a work in progress, I’m always excited to share her with my friends. So, here’s Jenny…on life, budgets, and discipline. You’ll love her. :)

Clotheslines, Budgets and God’s Influence….by Jenny Schermerhorn

I’ve often felt like an impotent evangelizer.  I’ve been walking with Jesus for twenty four years, and when I talk with non-believers, I feel like I have everything and nothing to offer.  I know, for certain, that Jesus offers eternal and abundant life, but – I’ve got zero street cred.  “Hey, I know your life is a Jerry Springer episode, but let me tell you how awesome Jesus is in my Cosby show life.” Driving my black Honda Odyssey and wearing ballet flats, I feel more like a wimpy little girl than Billy Graham on wheels.  But a few months ago I faced a domestic challenge that changed my perspective.

In January of 2012 I received a shocker of a power bill.  Immediate action was required. I bundled the kids up and turned the thermostat down to 62.  I also bought a retractable clothesline. I was serious about cutting our electricity usage.

I started hanging out my family’s clothes out to try to dry them.  Note the word “try”. Only an especially domestically-challenged gal like me could fail at DRYING CLOTHES. The first couple of loads I hung out worked great, it was bright and sunny and although the clothes came out stiff (it helps to use fabric softener when line drying) they were dry.  But four loads into this new experience I went outside to pin up my clothes and noticed it was overcast.  O well, I thought, it’ll just take a bit longer.  Six hours later- in the dark of night, I took down a laundry basket full of wet clothes and stuffed them into the dryer.  The sun is not just a part of the recipe folks, it’s the key ingredient.  So now I wait to do laundry on sunny days, and I get dry clothes off the line.  And, I have a whole new appreciation for the power of sunlight.

Did you know there is enough energy hitting one square foot of earth per day to power an average house, for a month?  Or that without photosynthesis (remember third grade science?) all life on the planet would basically shrivel up and die?  Summary: sunlight, it’s really important.

Sunlight has been present and greatly impacting my life for ahem, thirty two years, and I’ve only recently appreciated and even noticed its effects. I’ve been following Jesus for almost as long, and I take for granted His life changing effects as well.
My pastor shared a few months ago that the fruit in a Christians life grows slowly. “An apple doesn’t ripen overnight and in the same way the fruit of the Spirit develops over time.” he explained.

So I took a few minutes to consider how Christ has influenced and changed me over the past 2, 4, 10 years, and stepped back to examine the fruit that has been maturing slowly, in my life.

I noted my marriage is a still growing fruit.  I married a believer, and although neither of us do it well, we’re trying to learn to love each other unselfishly.  That’s quite different than the “let’s do this while it makes us both happy” attitude of most American marriages.

Our family finances are another faith fruit.  It’s HARD to give and save and budget, and I cheat. (I hate you Target. Not really, I love you- but I can’t come to visit for a long time). But this God centered stewardship plan is much different than my whatever-I-want plan.

There are others maturing fruits, my parenting, what I watch and read, how I handle forgiveness and fear. And I realize now how different my life is–  because of Jesus. I have plenty to bring to the table when I have conversations with non-Christians. I didn’t realize how much. And this isn’t me bragging about my awesome life people, this is seeing how Jesus is working in my gack and producing change I could never bring about alone.

So I invite you to consider how God is influencing your day-today, molding, changing, renewing.

As you consider, I’m going to go start a load of laundry, because it’s sunny today. And two days ago, when I got my power bill, we had cut that baby IN HALF.  I’m going to be utilizing the power of that sunshine for a long time to come. And I won’t be underestimating or under-appreciating it any more.

Jenny is a ministry leader, mom, and writer living in the gorgeous mountains of NC. Catch her blogging here! 

Commitment

Written by on April 11, 2012 in Blog, relationships - 1 Comment

15 years ago this month, I was restless.

I was in transition, from one stage to the next, wearing heels; flaunting my resume and my dreams; acting confident; pretending to be more grown up than I really was.

And in the way that restlessness can do, I wondered and wandered, thinking there was something more. I thought the boy who loved me was safe and that I, maybe, was made for more. He, it turned out, wasn’t my everything at every moment, and that to me seemed like a less-than proposition. He was distracted, transitioning too, from boy to man, trying to absorb all that it means to provide and protect, to be in a relationship.

Perhaps he was also pretending to be more grown up than he really was.

And so we went through the motions, as we had for all of our college years. We ate our meals together, maintained a rhythm, but the heart was missing. And in a moment of absolute unpredictability, in the middle of the weeks when I began to believe all my doubts were true and surely he didn’t really care and this isn’t what I thought it would be

he did something about it.

He sent flowers, which has perhaps happened one other time in fifteen years. And he enclosed a card with his own words, words that have lasted fifteen years. And from this boy-man who still to this day has a hard time composing an email, came these words:

True love is rare.

Don’t fear it; embrace it.

And in all my worries and wanderings, in my restlessness and in my sense that this is not enough and he is not enough, came these words, out of the heart of a man who is often quiet, who would rather show than say. And they were so memorable that I can picture them scrawled on that little florists’ card, a card I read again and again from my little twin bed, a card I can see so clearly even now as I remember.

Those words represented a commitment, a promise, words that would reach out and reach deep into the most vulnerable places of my heart, the places that wanted to be adored, cherished, protected.

We married six months later.

And so, fifteen years later, fifteen years of life and of fighting and of love and of bills and of houses and of children and of careers and of whispered dreams and of simple prayers, I still remember. Because the moment when that man offered me that gift was like a divine hand that closed around me and drew me back from a restless land, the hand that chose us and closed us into his embrace.

Commitment is the soil where growth takes place. We commit to God’s plan, we commit to one another. We commit to a community , to friendships, to relationships. And in doing so, we find that often what seems to be less than turns out to be more than enough; what seems to be coincidence turns out to be providence, and what seems to be ordinary turns out to be

quite miraculous.

 

9 Quick Ways to Get Depressed

Written by on April 10, 2012 in Blog, identity - 1 Comment

I’ve been thinking alot about emotional states, and what fuels changes in mood. I used the word “depressed” in the title to mean down in the dumps, general malaise, and a bleak outlook on life. This is not a diagnostic tool for clinical depression…just a quick list of things to consider when it comes to your own spiritual, mental and emotional health! So now that I’ve laid out that disclaimer, let’s get to it:

Quick Ways to Believe Life Sucks

#1: Nurse resentments: Assume the worst in people. When you feel ignored, misunderstood or mistreated, assume it’s because the person really hates you and is disgusted by your presence. Enter a cycle of hating yourself and hating other people. Repeat this script to yourself all day and night. This is the mental equivalent to grabbing a shovel and digging your own grave.

#2: Live in the Past: While you are busy nursing resentments, go ahead and let yourself think of all the other times the same thing has happened. Make sure you put a rosy glow over everything from the past you wish you still had, and a black cloud of doom over everything from the past that was painful. Create a story of extremes. Make life about the things you’ve lost and the way you’ve been pained, and look for ways to repeat the cycle in your current life.

#3: Ignore Your Body: Don’t listen to your body ever. If you feel tired, don’t rest. If you have an erratic sleep schedule, keep at it. Also, eat a lot of processed crappy food that will shoot your blood sugar to the stratosphere and then send you crashing down without a parachute. Eat when you are stressed, and caffeinate when you are tired. Keep at it for more than 3 days in a row. When you feel run down, don’t listen. When you need to relieve stress by exercise, have a red bull instead

#4: Ignore Your Soul: Pretend like you are a machine. Ignore the fact that you have a soul. Never think about the crap you feed your soul. Just assume that it all filters out and you aren’t affected by wasted time, sad love songs, boredom, stupid YouTube videos or sarcastic, misogynstic movies. Don’t take your soul seriously. Make sure you don’t read or listen to anything edifying in your day. Just go about this world as if you can be healthy without working at it at all.

#5: Believe the Lie that people have it all together (and you are the only one who doesn’t): Believe TV. Believe romantic comedies. Look around at your acquaintances and believe that their life is so much better than yours.

#6: Become a Cynic: Start to believe the following things: people don’t change. Life generally sucks. Avoiding pain is more important than risking love.

#7: Never Cry: Don’t ever show weakness. Don’t be sad. Don’t cry. Especially, hold back tears with all the strength you can muster. Completely ignore any reason why you would be crying, and if you do think about it for a few minutes, make sure you tell yourself that whatever loss or pain is causing you to be upset is definitely stupid and not important.

#8: Never Apologize: Don’t ever be wrong. Even when you know you are wrong, justify your reasons. Let your self-protection keep you puffed up and protected. Choose to protect yourself over loving the people around you who need to know that you are, in fact, human and make mistakes, and are grieved by them.

#9: Maintain an impossible standard for yourself and everyone else: Set yourself up for failure. Make sure you believe that everything you ever attempt has to be a stellar success. Listen to the part of you that’s terrified at failing, and never try anything, or listen to the part of you that believes you’ll always do it right, and try, fail, and hate yourself. Also, while you are at it, expect the same from everyone around you. Expect those you love to always know what to say and to do to make you feel better. When they don’t, use the same self-loathing voices that you beat yourself with, and pummel them too.

#10?: I believe we all have our 10th way to get depressed, but it’s unique to you. Perhaps its about being with an unhealthy friendship that brings you down. Maybe it’s stalking someone on Facebook that you need to defriend. Maybe it’s a phone number you need to delete from your phone.

Wanna be healthy? Do the opposite. 

In One Day….

Written by on April 6, 2012 in Blog, Daily Life With Jesus - No Comments

This morning I wrote a tweet right after I finished reading the account of Jesus’s last days, the days we remember on Thursday and Friday of Holy Week:

Of course I’ve read the account of Jesus’ betrayal, arrest, trial and murder, so many times that it’s become rote, an account of violence and sheer ugliness that I’d rather skim over, hurry through Thursday and Friday and jump right into the celebration of Sunday, thanksbutnothanks God.

But as I read it today, I thought about all that happened to Jesus in one day. I discovered, perhaps for the first time, that every ugly thing that one human can do to another happened to Jesus in one day, things like this:

His friends couldn’t handle his despair, instead succumbing to sleep, letting him down when he finally truly needed them.

Then they deserted him, leaving him alone.

One of his own betrayed him with a kiss, twisting affection and camaraderie and using it against him.

He was accused of things he did not do. His entire message was misunderstood and mocked. He was violated in every way…his character, his emotional strength, his physical body. He took upon himself all of the ugliest kinds of human treatment, all in one day.

When I think about the times I’ve had the ugly of humanity imposed upon my life, a sharp pang still falls on my heart. When in the sixth grade my “good” friend sent me a mocking note. When I felt betrayed by a boyfriend. When I felt deeply misunderstood by a co-worker and the relationship failed. And when I think about this relatively minor slights, and imagine them happening all in one day, it’s almost too much to bear.

Jesus, my Shepherd, my Savior, bore them all. There is no pain too deep that my Jesus cannot relate.

And then, the other side of the truth. When Jesus faced all of the ugly in one day, he also faced all of my ugly. Every time I’ve betrayed. Mocked. Misunderstood. Violated. Humiliated. Any time, in person or in thought, I’ve mistreated and abused someone else.

This is the bittersweet truth of our relationship with Jesus: he relates both to the pain that visits us and he reconciles the pain that we’ve imposed upon others.

So before Sunday, before the victory hymns and the He is Risen and the chocolate bunnies, I invite you to read over that account, found in Matthew 26:36-Matthew 27:54. Jesus, who is a friend in our trouble and who reconciles us to the Father for the trouble we’ve caused. There is never a moment in my life where Jesus can’t relate, because he took it all–all in one day.

 

 

 

Ideas to Impact

Written by on April 3, 2012 in Events, Events Calendar - No Comments

I’m so excited to be a speaker at the Ideas to Impact conference, a ministry conference of classes and workshops on everything from administrative tasks to leadership challenges. I will be teaching three classes:
Working with the Next Generation
Using Influence for Change
Managing Conflict in the Church Setting

This week I’m featured on the ACS blog talking about working with the next generation.

If you are looking for a place to sharpen your skills, learn from other church leaders, and be refilled for ministry, then join us! Check out the conference here.

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