I was seven when we adopted my youngest brother. He was two, and he came wrapped in fluffy quilted fabric, paraded off a plane from Korea and dropped into my parent’s arms. It’s a moment I’ll never forget. Adoption’s been part of my story for a long time, and I’m thrilled at how it’s become part of more and more of my friend’s stories. Today Jen Grant is here talking about family, adoption and more. You are going to love this woman and this memoir. And you WANT to read her book. You can win one here, just make sure your name is on my newsletter list and I’ll announce the winner this weekend!
Jennifer, thanks for visiting the blog today! You’ve just written your first book called Love You More
I don’t know that it’s the book I was born to write, but it certainly is the kind of book I longed to read when I started the adoption process. I wanted to hear about other families’ stories, about their doubts, missteps, successes as they welcomed children into the family by adoption.
I like that Toni Morrison quote – “It there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”
Love You More grew from a few years’ worth of newspaper columns I wrote about Mia’s adoption. Over the years, readers of my column contacted me to ask whether I was planning to write a book about her adoption and explore my thoughts more fully. I was honored that reading about my experience – my real struggles, doubts, and joys – encouraged other parents and let them know they weren’t alone.
In the book you talk a little bit about knowing if adoption is right for you. Can you tell us a few things that you’ve noticed about people who adopt? Are there any similarities?
I think there are a lot of different kinds of adoptive families. I feel a connection to all other parents who have children by adoption, but most intimately can relate to the experience of people who have adopted internationally. The uncertainty, the way it immerses you into a different culture, and the fact that many children adopted internationally are a different race than their parents are some of the things we have in common.
I think all parents by adoption are generally people who are – at least in some way – outward-looking people who are open to connecting intimately with people different than themselves. Also, adoptive parents don’t just see their kids as extensions of themselves, as we are sometimes tempted to do with the children to whom we give birth. Adoptive parents often regard our children as unique individuals, full of mystery and promise. You can’t say, “Oh she gets her artistic talent from me” or “He’s going to be stubborn like his father.” You watch their personalities, gifts, and temperaments unfold in beautiful and completely unpredictable ways. I know that I regard my three older children – children to whom I gave birth – differently than I would have had I not adopted Mia.
Did you struggle at all in knowing if it was good to tell Mia’s story…it can be hard to write about your kids. Did you have to process that?
When I first started writing about her adoption, Mia was very young – now she’s 9 1/2. At various points when I was writing Love You More, I asked her whether she was comfortable with me sharing a particular detail or story. She has read the book and is excited that it might be a catalyst in bringing orphaned children into loving homes. Mia has such a heart for orphans and vulnerable children.
My kids are all used to being written about – first in my newspaper columns and now in my books. I take care not to include anecdotes or information that would embarrass them. I always ask them before including something that may feel too personal. I have a joke with one of my kids and say, “Oh I just wrote the chapter about that bed-wetting problem you had when you were little.” The kids laugh – they know I’m cautious not to include anything they may find incriminating. They are all old enough (9, 11, 13, and 15) to read what I write and ask for changes. Happily, all four loved Love You More and didn’t want a word changed. (Phew!)
Tell us who should read your book.
I hope people whose lives, in any way, have been touched by adoption will connect with Love You More
I’ve received beautiful email messages from people – including some who read the book en route overseas to bring home an adopted child – saying that the book was a supportive companion to them. The book is also, of course, about moving from couple-hood to parenthood, from a working woman to an at-home mother, and about faith. I think I assumed that only women would read the book, but have gotten some of the kindest notes from men who read it. So, I don’t know – people who like memoir, people who enjoy reading about family, people who like to read about others’ spiritual journeys.
What’s one cool story that’s been a result of you writing this book?
Oh – wow. There have been a number of really wonderful connections I’ve made with readers. One man told me that after they read the book, he and his wife were able to articulate to each other that they wanted to adopt a child. They are grieving the death of their child and both felt very vulnerable about expressing the desire to adopt with each other. I like to imagine the joy and healing they might experience as they bring a child back into their home. Of course, they will never stop grieving the loss of their child, but to have another child to climb into their laps, share their lives – how tender.
OK, random, but my favorite question: what’s the last thing you do before going to bed? First thing you do in the morning?
I’m a creature of habit. When I’m at home, every night before bed I make a cup of Sleepytime tea, take a hot bath (preferably with lavender Epsom salts), and read. Right now I’m reading Sue Monk Kidd’s “When the Heart Waits.” Almost every night, the last thing I read The Message.
I’m spoiled in the mornings. My husband gets up before me, usually runs around the park with our dog, and then makes coffee. He often brings me a cup when he gets home from his run to wake me up. I help my three bigger kids get off to school, and then have a solid hour just to chat and be with my youngest, Mia. We talk about the day to come, practice math facts, and chat before she goes to school.
So what’s next for you? And where can we connect with your future projects?
I am currently working on a second book – due in early December – also about family. It’s yet to be titled and will be published by Worthy Publishing in August 2012. Because my deadline is fast approaching, I’ll do fewer articles for the newspaper and fewer posts for her.meneutics (my two regular freelance jobs) between now and December. You can think of me at my public library, tucked away in the foreign books section, tapping away at the book. And you can stay connected at my website.
Awesome, Jennifer! If you want a chance to win Jen’s book, make sure you sign up for my newsletter. Or pick it up now wherever books are sold. 
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