Sometimes I get a little turned around about life. There are quiet moments, times when I recognize that this is actually real. I am actually a mom. I have a husband. I live in a house with a mortgage. I have education and experience and background. I can host a dinner party. I can handle a fight. I realize that this life I have is good and precarious and wonderful, and it is happening at warp speed.
But I get turned around, lost in the tangle–we need milk in the fridge and stop at the gas station and it’s time for the dog to go to the vet and also who got the mail? And did you feed the dog? And why is there always toothpaste in your sink and brush your hair before you get on the bus and who’s picking up soccer? And fill out your expense report and don’t forget about budgets for next year and can you reschedule for next Thursday night and when’s the last time we had a date? And who’s hosting Thanksgiving and when can I see my brother again and isn’t it time for a girl’s night and I need a nap. And also, I can’t miss Parenthood because I love that show.
Can you relate? Those details are like my blowdryer cord, which somehow is also always hopelessly tangled. And I ignore the tangle because I’m too busy to deal with it, and I end up stooping low over my counter because the cord is so tight and tangled and I don’t just take a minute to make it right.
And my life can be exactly the same way.
Two weeks ago I picked up a pen and my journal and I took three deep breaths. And I trust that those deep breaths remind me that I am here, that I am a soul and I am eternal and that tangles are worth untangling. So I held my pen over my paper and I asked God to give me three words.
Three words to encompass what my life should be about. Not bills or dog food or school forms. Not worrying about the future or living in the past or regreting this life that I have right now. What is my mission? My motto? And I held that pen and wrote down three words:
And every single day I have thought of those three words. And when I feel my knees buckling into the tangle of life’s demands, those words float up to the surface of my heart. And I reach over and hold my five-year-old’s hand. And I lay down in my daughter’s pink fluffy bed and remember what it’s like to feel like a princess. And I practice a mean spiral with the football, because every 9yr old boy could use a mom that can throw a ball. And I hug my dear friends and I write a note of encouragement and I notice the sky and I hum a worship song.
And slowly, slowly, I feel my soul begin to untangle, unwinding all the disappointments and discouragements, allowing my three-word motto to become bigger and everything else slide back to its rightful place.
So I wonder. What are your three words for today?