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Don’t be frightened. You don’t need to Direct Message, text message, or call me. I’m not giving up on anything eternal.
I’m giving up my rights to myself.
I’m giving up on knowing.
I’m giving up on what I think should be. I’m giving up on what I think should be for others. I’m definitely giving up on my very specific picture of what it looks like to be the church, to be a follower of Jesus.
I’m not giving up my God. I’m certainly not giving up on my faith.
I’m giving up my rights to know,
to pick,
to decide.
I’m erasing the pictures that I’ve painstakingly crafted, down to the last detail.
Last Sunday I heard a sermon while visiting Alabama about beauty for ashes. The whole sermon was incredible, but one line shouted louder at me than the rest. It was regarding the concept of being a living sacrifice, and the pastor said, “because we offer a living sacrifice, we can crawl off the alter anytime we want.”
I knew we needed to let God burn off the excess in our lives, to refine us for his glory. And although I got the connection between sacrifices and refinement, I had never quite pictured myself crawling off (or on) to the altar of sacrifice.
But that’s exactly what God requires.
If I’m truly going to be a “living sacrifice,” that’s a choice I need to make daily, well, hourly, um, every moment. To “offer myself” as a sacrifice is a very passive posture. To offer means that the recipient may take me up on the offer, or he may not. I might be used the way I imagined, I might not. I might have plans that come to fruition as I expect, or I might not.
So I’m giving up on knowing.
And as I let the picture erase and I open my fist to hold my palm flat, I find something surprising.
The picture develops–but not as I expected.
My hand is full–but not of what I imagined.
And because I choose to give up and give in, again and again and again and again
I am free to be delightfully surprised.
12 Replies
Delightfully surprised is a wonderful end result.
Fondly,
Glenda
My recent post It is PARTY TIME 2011 Ultimate Blog Party
exactly Glenda. And when I stop looking for my picture and start looking for surprises, I find them all over the place!
You almost always write exactly what I need to hear, exactly when I need to hear it. I'm hurting deeply tonight, thank you for these words – I thank God that of the voices in my life, yours is strong.
thank you Louisa. That can be nothing except the Holy Spirit moving, and I'm deeply mystified and in awe of the way God does that. Peace to you today as you pursue a life of giving up.
So wonderfully true! Have you read "A Better Freedom" by Michael Card? I've been so blessed by his picture of the slave who surrenders to the True Master Jesus and finds in that surrender a wonderful, beautiful, unimaginable freedom. Like you said – a delightful surprise that in death we are reborn!
My recent post My Toilet Paper! Better! Cheaper!
I haven't read it…I knew he sang but I didn't know he wrote…I'll definitely look it up.
thanks for this Nicole! Sometimes we get caught up in what we want to do and how we THINK our life should go. Thanks for helping me to remember to offer myself as a sacrifice and to be used not how I think I should be but how the Lord knows I should be.
Thanks drew. Can't wait to work alongside of you this summer as we BOTH learn this.Sent from my iPhone
So what does that look like? Do you stop doing something or just stop worrying? Is there a switch? Can you tell me where it is? When are you working plans and what you think is best to produce the outcome that you so desire versus what He desires? So many questions on how to stop inviting God to be part my life and start requestingto be part of His life. That being said I think I was able to crawl back onto the alter at least once today. I'll have to check again in about ten minutes…
Great questions David, all of them I wish I had answers for. I think the stopping vs. starting doing things is always a hard one. My thing is that I think I worry too much about stuff I can't change, versus just doing the best with what God has given me to manage. Like I have plenty of things to work on without needing anything else. But when it comes to the big stuff…marriage, children, jobs…it's a mystery. For me it's also about thinking about priorities in my life…which things I hold tightly to. I ask myself the question, "if God asked me to put X, Y, or Z down or take up X, Y or Z, would I obey?" If the answer is no, I feel like I'm holding on in a sinful way.
This is a beautiful post. I love the illustration of crawling onto the altar. I think I will carry that one with me for a while!
My recent post So We Do Not Lose Heart
It's amazing to me how quickly I try to wander away from the place of giving up. I hope the image helps you remember to turn back to that place every day.