For All the Single Ladies…Seven Questions with Renee Johnson Fisher

Written by on February 21, 2012 in Blog, Guest Bloggers, relationships - 2 Comments

It’s one week since Valentine’s. 51 more weeks and it’ll be back again, and some of you are wondering and wishing…will 2013 be my year?

If you are sick of the single scene, sick of “letting go and letting God,” sick of trying to figure out how to do the dating scene and follow Jesus and yet in your heart you keep wondering, Is God going to come through?

If that sounds familiar, then you’ve got to meet my friend Renee. Renee just wrote “Not Another Dating Book,” and I love it. But today you get to meet the woman behind the book AND a chance to win a copy for you or your fav single gal. I asked Renee a few things about life, love and her new book:

shh..don't tell Renee I snagged this off her website. Isn't she beautiful??!!

So, Renee. You are an author who just finished book #2, “not another dating book.” Why did you write this book?
I wrote this book because of two reasons: (1) I was tired of being single and (2) I couldn’t find any books that encouraged my friends and I where we were at in our Christian walk as singles. They either assumed that you were dating or a virgin.

You are also a woman who’s dated around and now a newlywed! What’s the worst date you ever went on?
The worst date I ever went on was with this guy from eHarmony. I didn’t realize he’d turn up to be a creep (not all online dates are bad–I promise). All he wanted to talk about was going back to his place. I’m not proud to say this, but I did–then I got it. Ooh. He only wants me for one thing. I was so naïve that even though I believed no guy would ever like me, there were guys out there who were capable of “liking” me but not because they liked me–if you know what I mean. That’s when I left. I never spoke to him again–thank God!

Now that you have met “the one,” did he seem different immediately than other guys you’ve dated? Or did it take time?
Yes. Marc was quiet and shy, but super deep. I was leading a 20-somethings small group that he joined. We met at my parent’s house (I was 29 and living back at my parents house).
Marc wasn’t like all the scared (sorry) Christian guys I’d met over the past decade of being single. He was a man and wasn’t afraid to pick and choose his words. He wasn’t desperate, nor was he searching for a date. I liked him–a lot, but didn’t think he was interested. When he asked me out I FREAKED out and almost had a heart attack. We still joke to this day that I thought he liked my best friend. Finally, a guy who liked me and wasn’t afraid to chase me.

What’s coming up next for Renee?
I’m super excited to say that my next book is going to be on suffering and how to forgive yourself. I’ve been through a lot–and I mean A LOT. I started writing this book in 2004 when I moved back from a failed missions trip and thought my life was over. I’m so glad God’s taken the time to make me into the woman I am today–and I can’t wait to finally share my entire story in my third book.

Would you consider yourself a romantic?
Always. Even when I gave up hope, I never stopped praying for my future husband. There wasn’t a day that went by during those 12 years, 10 months, and 24 days of being single that I didn’t ask God for my future husband. I’m so glad I waited!

A recent Relevant magazine article said 80% of single Christians have had sex. Do you think it’s just old fashioned to think people can wait for marriage?

No. When God said follow Him, He didn’t give us the option to pick and choose which verses fit our lifestyle best. There are reasons God put boundaries on sex. I’m so glad I braved this subject in “Not Another Dating Book” because someone had too. If you’ve had sex before marriage you’re part of the majority. Instead of the book being so much about my story, I started over 80 dialogues about relationships so you–as the reader, can find your ultimate love story in Christ and make sense of your relationships no matter how broken they may be.

What is one word of wisdom you would give to a single girl who’s longing to be married?
It sucks. I’m not going to lie. All I ever thought about was “where the heck is he?” I could give you a pretty bow-tied cliché, but I won’t. I could tell you to “wait” but I know that’s not what you said to hear. So my best advice is to get your own love story. Cry if you have too. Seek wise council. Get a mentor. Discover your passions. Live your life out loud and don’t be ashamed to love who you are because one day soon hopefully–someone will too!

Wanna win a copy? Leave a message here or on Facebook with the answer to this question: what do you think is the ideal place for a first date? I’ll pick a random answer for the win by Friday!

Stay connected with Renee by grabbing the book, and through Facebook, Twitter and her blog on relationships, Devotional Diva!

 

 

Week Two of Seven: Clothing

Written by on February 20, 2012 in Blog, Causes - No Comments

This video is why, no matter where life takes me, student ministry will always have a special place in my heart: (Um, yes, that’s the worship band in the front row)

This video is also why I took two days off the Seven program. Last week was about fighting back against the excess of food. And it was so hard. I think I “failed” to keep with the plan every single day. It was a difficult week on many levels, but now that I’ve been doing ministry for awhile, I recognize that there are spiritual forces at work, especially before taking a weekend away with 253 people who are longing to experience the greatness of God. And it happened. The week of weariness and struggling and “failure” was worth it. The weekend was special. The hotel didn’t kick us out. The worst physical injuries were a couple of broken toes and one bloody nose. (And that’s saying alot when you are watching seventh grade boys fling themselves off a steep sand dune with absolutely no regard for their safety).

But beyond all of that, there is the unmistakeable sense that God was present. At midnight on Saturday, when I watched a room packed with teenagers, abandoning themselves to the goodness of God. Getting lost in worship, forgetting about themselves and finding the truest sense of life in the presence of their Creator. And when I taught on Sunday morning, I was reminded that God is at work even in our failures. That this life isn’t about a straight upward climb from Point A (salvation) to Heaven. But it’s a winding road with peaks and valleys, and with every joy, every pain, every opportunity and challenge, God invites us to cling. To hold His hand, to let Him take the lead. To run into his arms and rest and even let Him carry us for a bit. And last week reminded me again that I am never old enough, never “mature” enough, never far enough along in leadership to NOT need his grace, his mercy, and his tender, forgiving love. I am thankful for that reminder of what His love is truly about: here’s just one of the songs that captures that from this weekend:

And so today (and for the next seven days), I’m moving on in this Seven study to clothing. Like the abundance of food, the emotional and financial priority I put on clothes is disconcerting. Can I care for the “least of these,” even as I bow down to the gods of fashion? Am I more interested in a semi-annual sale or in the people behind the sale, the women and children from Indonesia or Cambodia or China who manufactured that fantastic sweater or pajama pants or handbag? Later today I’ll post my seven items I decided on over on my Facebook page. I invite you to join me. Pick seven things to wear this week (including jewelry and accessories but excluding underthings). Leave a comment here or on FB listing the countries that those items are from. I’ll do the same.

This week, I’m looking forward to the challenge. I’m looking forward to simplifying. I’m looking forward to waking up to the reality of how my clothes get from sewed to shipped to shopped. More than anything, I’m reminded that when we take up the call to Follow Jesus, it’s a decision that can and should effect every sphere of our lives…even our clothes.

On Intentions…

Written by on February 16, 2012 in Blog, Leadership - No Comments

“Intentions are wonderful things. They are the starting points, the defining moments of our lives. But in and of themselves, intentions are wholly inadequate. As a Christ follower, it’s easy to mistake intention for action and stirrings for solutions. . . . But even the strength of my intentions is not an accurate indicator of whether or not I will take the time to act, to put my faith to work, to be the difference that Christ has empowered me to be.”

Nancy Ortberg, Looking for God

Seven Week One, Day One = FAIL

Written by on February 12, 2012 in Blog, Causes - 1 Comment

Here’s a VLOG where I tell you all about my failures at this Seven Experiment.

But don’t let that stop you from joining in. Here’s the cliffnotes: Jen Hatmaker wrote a book called Seven: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess.  Jen wanted to fight back against our rampant consumer culture that is so counter to Jesus’ teachings. Jen targeted one area of excess per month for seven months. I loved the book (and the author) so much that I decided to mimic her experiment, but with one area of excess per WEEK for seven WEEKS. This also dovetails nicely with Lent, which seems like the perfect time to lay this suburban life under the microscope and see what happens when I say “NO” to these seven streams of “abundant” life. I recommend the book, and the experiment. You can join in with me anytime! Here’s the schedule:

Food: February 10-17.

Read about what that means here.

Clothes: Feb 20-26.

Wear only seven items of clothing for a week. (I’m inviting my family to participate)

Possessions: Feb 27-Mar 4.

Give away seven personal items every day for a week. (I’m requiring my family to participate!)

Media: Mar 5-11.

Only work-related technology use. (This one will be interesting!)

Waste: Mar 12-18.

Focus and Learn about Recycling, Composting and Local Farming. Finally buy those reusable bags for my kids’ lunches.

Spending: Mar 19-25.

Limit my areas of spending to giving, groceries, gas.

Stress: Mar 26-Apr 1.

Focus on the presence of prayer; with seven moments of prayer throughout the day.

This might be my last update for this week, as the rest of the week will be devoted to last-minute details and speaking prep for Hope’s Student Retreat. But misery this challenge loves company, so join me. Really. Do it. Any week or every week!

One Month into One Word

Written by on February 6, 2012 in Blog, One Word 2012 - 1 Comment

I chose the word deliver because I want to be a woman who keeps her word. The pressure in ministry, in relationships, is to say one thing even when we mean another. It’s about saying “I’ll pray for you” or “let’s do that” or “sounds like a good plan” but not following through. It’s to live with many good intentions but far fewer actions. And “deliver” is about my personal desire to fight that trend.

A part of me probably knew that this would be difficult. That my heart truly is in the right place when I say yes to a coffee date, an article, a project, or a school commitment. But seriously. It’s too much. I can’t do it all and I shouldn’t, because God isn’t looking for stressed-out, strung-out leaders. It’s about finding the one (or two, or maybe three) things that we are called to and doing those. It’s about being faithful to the places and people where God has clearly assigned us.

One of my favorite Psalms says “you have assigned me my portion and my cup.” My portion is about the area of influence I’ve been given. It’s about my children and their friends. My neighbors and our school. It’s about the cheerleaders I coach and the friends I interact with and the ministry I run. But my cup…that’s tougher. My cup can be about blessing or suffering…surely Jesus knew them both. Psalm 23 says “my cup overflows” in the context of blessing and fruitfulness. But in the Garden of Gethsemane, right before his death, Jesus asks his Father God that “the cup” he has been assigned–one of suffering and humilitation and pain–might be taken from him.

Certainly the cup we bear has something to do with both. The cup might be relationships that demand our all. The cup might be the tedious and repetitive stuff of life that we must do to keep the world spinning: bills, dishes, laundry, organizing. The cup might be our sensitive hearts that hurt when we see our friends in pain or our children struggle or the evil that flourishes in this world. We take our portion and we take our cup. Like Jesus, we struggle privately with our Father God and we rely on his strength to deliver publicly, to honor the portion and cup we’ve been given.

Delivering on that takes grit and perseverance. It takes endurance that pushes me beyond my own limits, and discipline to rest when needed. It takes looking outside of myself to choose what is best for portion and cup I’m living right now: family. student ministry. teaching and writing. And more than anything, it takes a desperate dependence on God’s strength and direction, so that I can pursue the course he has marked out for me.

It’s your turn: what are your reflections on your One Word?

Friday Bites

Written by on February 3, 2012 in Blog - No Comments

This is a roundup of all that’s happening around here, in small bite format:

I tried to find a fun Friday graphic for today, and they all featured cats. I hate cats.

An update on the Mobeley family from my post earlier this week. We continue to provide hospitality through food and lodging, and the family continues in a “wait and see” mode. Please continue to pray for the mother’s healing–she may be discharged as early as tomorrow–and for wisdom and discernment for the father’s serious condition.

Beginning next Friday, I’ll be leading us through an online book club using Jen Hatmaker’s book, Seven. You can read my review here; snap up a copy and join us. Alongside Jen, we’ll be combatting areas of excess in our life over the course of seven weeks. The first area will be food. More on that next Friday, but get ready to shake up your life! You’ll find support, encouragement and lots of laughter here as we travel through Jen’s book.

It’s already a month into the One Word Challenge. I’ve updated our community picture to represent everyone who’s resolved to live out their one word. (If I missed your word, just let me know…I keep adding!) Next week I’ll be adding my own reflections on the word “deliver” as well as a guest post from one handsome, single, God-loving young man (read: available). :)

Next Wednesday I’ll also be answering some questions about the writing & publishing journey. If you have a question, leave me a comment or drop me a line at nicoleunice AT gmail DOT com and I’ll do my best to answer it!

Finally, I’m loving this verse this week:

“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.”

I don’t want to be a person who “has none” of what God’s dealing out. For me, that means that repentance, rest, quietness and trust need to be part of a daily practice. I love the simplicity and the challenge in those words.

Carve out some time for intentional rest: not TV, not sleeping, not “doing”…just entering into a quiet place of the heart with God. Even ten minutes of intentional quiet in God’s presence is a nourishing experience for your soul!

I’ll go cry now.

Written by on January 31, 2012 in Blog, Daily Life With Jesus, Leadership - 4 Comments

I wish emotions came one at a time. But in ministry, in leadership, in life it seems, joy often shakes hands with pain; sweetness and bitterness swirl. This Sunday was one of those times, a mix of weird and wonderful and hard and good in a way that shouts “life is complicated.”

It was 7:09 pm when they arrived in front of the church, shaken, muddy, some in blankets. The oldest daughter held her fingers up in front of her, palm up, in a hastily applied splint, her long skirt smeared with mud and her hair falling out of its bun. The state trooper who attends our church had been at the accident scene. A dozen teens and twenty-somethings stumbled into our modern concourse at Hope just as our high school youth group was getting started. They were a small group of Mennonite young people, on their way home from serving at a children’s home in western VA. The van had careened off the interstate just a couple of miles from our church, landing five feet from the James River. The driver had suffered a major heart attack and clung to life at one hospital. The front passenger was flown to the trauma hospital downtown. And what was left were these dozen.

What do you do when strangers stumble into your midst? You care. Our volunteer team, there to laugh and be silly and make connections for the 80 or so high schoolers in our group, sprung to action. They went from clowns to caregivers, feeding the shocked group, creating a quiet space for them to breathe, offering drinks and prayers.

I drove the children of the parents (the drivers) to the hospitals, first to the father and then to the mother. Others took over leading our own high schoolers, who began to worship and to pray and to fervently intercede for this little band of Mennonites. It was a Grey’s Anatomy Episode. It was the beginning of a great novel. It was Modern Family meets Anne of Green Gables. It was wild.

Our own Hope students were deeply moved. We usually study the Bible, but that night, we lived the Bible. While I cared for the family by being a presence in waiting rooms and in silence, they cared for the rest of the group. Some prayed. Some offered food. Some cleaned out their wrecked van. But all–all–practiced hospitality in a way that embodies exactly what Romans 12:13 says: “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice Hospitality.”

These were God’s people. They look different and live different. But they–and us–love the same Jesus. So now, 48 hours later, we continue to care–our big church in the suburbs offering meals, lodging, prayers, and presence to a little group of young Mennonites ripped from their normal surroundings and doing everything they can to trust God in the midst of a chaotic and difficult situation.

I am so proud of our volunteers who loved so well.
I am so proud of our students who pray with all their might and flexed with one crazy change of plans.
I am so thrilled that I have friends and coworkers who never forget the one true thing is love.
But I am in pain for this family.
I am sad for this tragedy.
I am bewildered by the chaos and confusion and difficulty that they face as they navigate a strange city and two big hospitals.
And so, after a big day of ministry, the exact thing I believe God calls us to, I’ll go cry.

I’ll cry tears of joy and of pain, of gratitude and of confusion. I’ll rest in God’s presence and cry some. And then, I’ll take Jesus’ words close to my heart, ones that are familiar and true, and I’ll vow to live just this:

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own troubles. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” Matthew 6:34.

He is sufficient for today. Christ is enough. And that’s a simplifying truth for a complicated world.

If you remember, can you pray for the Mobeley family today? The father is in critical condition as they see what his heart can handle. The mother is being fitted for a brace for her fractured back and will be discharged hopefully tomorrow. She has not seen her husband since the accident. The ten children (ages 17-adulthood) are here in Richmond doing their best to navigate this difficult situation. Please pray for their peace, unity and guidance as they make important decisions in the next few days.

Saturday Night VLOG

Written by on January 28, 2012 in Blog, VLOG - 1 Comment

It’s about winners of the book Seven. And some other stuff.

Hating Waste: A Review of Jen Hatmaker’s Seven

Written by on January 24, 2012 in Blog, RESOURCES - 11 Comments

You know what I hate? Wasting stuff. I hate wasting time, but I just sat here mindlessly reading my Twitter feed, as if knowing one more person loves Downton Abbey (which I haven’t seen) is going to help me start this blog post. Plus, now I have one more show that I must find time for.

I hate wasting money, yet there is a hot purple cropped jacket with gold threads in it hanging in my closet. At what point I thought I’d be wearing that thing out, I’m not sure. I was possessed at the store, and spent ninety seconds daydreaming about some other life where that purple cropped jacket would have been absolutely necessary. I have never worn it.

I hate wasting food, but I regularly scrape enough food into the trash to feed the entire village in Burkina Faso (where my Compassion kids live). Oh, and by the way, my scraped food flies into the trash and makes its home on top of numerous recyclables, because although I hate killing the earth, apparently I’m too busy checking my twitter feed to actually recycle. And for the record, stuffed peppers are gross. I probably wouldn’t feed them to my Burkina Faso children anyway.

Even the Apostle Paul can relate:

“I do not understand why I insist on spending decades of my life on Facebook or checking my phone like someone’s heart will stop beating if I DO NOT CHECK MY EMAIL before bed. I do not understand why I have twenty-two handbags or a pantry full of food that no one eats or enough trash to create my hole in the ozone. For what I want to do (be peaceful, be present, be loving, be kind) I do not do, but what I hate to do–I DO.” Romans 7:15, Nicole version.

If you think I’m crazy, don’t read Seven: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess. But if you can relate, hold onto your recyclable trash, ladies. We are going on a journey that just might change your life.

Seven, by Jen Hatmaker (who might be the funniest Christian on the planet), after struggling with her own love/hate relationship with our consumer culture, decided to do something about it. Seven chronicles her own journey with tackling seven wasteful areas in her own life:

Food. Clothes. Spending. Waste. Stress. Possessions. Media.

Over the course of seven months, Jen committed herself (and sometimes, her family) to reducing or eliminating one area of waste in her valiant-but-not-perfect attempt at tackling rampant consumerism. If you’ve ever felt like living in our culture is a soul-sucking vacuum that you can’t seem to escape, you must read this book. And if you are likely to read the book, think it sounds like a great idea, and then promptly forget about it, then do this: read the book with me.

Beginning next week, a small group of friends and myself will be journeying through Seven, and we want YOU to join us. We’ll take one area of excess and tackle it for one week. So hurry up! Buy the book here. We will start with the first area Jen tackles: food. We’ll all adjust the “plan” to suit our own conviction, as Jen’s own friends, nicknamed “the counsel” did. More on this to come. But if you are looking for a book that doesn’t just entertain or inspire you, but actually sparks a change–then read Seven with us. You’ll find support (and much complaining, I’m sure) here! Even better: I’ll pick two people who commit to our group to win the book for free. If you are “in”, leave a comment telling us what area of life you are most interested in changing. I’ll pick a winner by Wednesday (so the rest of you people can hurry up and buy the book). 

For more on Jen Hatmaker, visit her webpage or find her on Twitter. You’ll be glad you did.

 

Four Friday Bites

Written by on January 20, 2012 in Blog, Daily Life With Jesus - No Comments

Oh, readers, does anyone else have the lifelong issue of always thinking they can accomplish more in one day than womanly possible? I like to throw the word “just” in front of my many to-dos:

I’ll just run to the grocery store and grab that…

I’ll just fold the laundry before I meet you….

I’ll just finish these emails…

I’ll just have a quick playdate for my kids…coach my daughter’s cheerleading squad…bring snack for the basketball game…plan a bridal shower...

They are all fun but darn it if I don’t know how to manage how much time they take! So let me get to the point (as you are thinking, I’ll just read a quick blog post….)

1. I am so excited to be teaching a four-week series on Proverbs 3 at Hope Church beginning next Thursday (January 26). Thrive meets at 10am and 7pm at Hope. Come one, come all–this is an open invitation regardless of whether you attend Hope. It might help if you live in Richmond, though. If  you’ve ever thought to yourself, “I know what I believe in my head but sometimes my heart and soul aren’t living it,” then this series on trusting God will be perfect for you. I cannot wait to share what God is teaching me through this study!

2. We are starting a podcast that begins on Feb. 1st called Becoming. The podcast is based on this quote by Martin Luther: “this life, therefore, is not being…but becoming” and it’s on all things about figuring out our lives and our faith. I’m the host and my senior pastor David Dwight is the main character. (He actually is kind of a character.) You can download the free podcast series on itunes and decide for yourself if I’m as funny as I apparently think I am, based on the amount of guffawing I do.

3. I’ll be reviewing Jen Hatmaker’s book Seven next week on the blog. Short review: this book is incredible. Not only will I give you a longer review than that (AND give away a couple of books), I’m also going to be hosting a seven-week blog series as I travel through the book with a small group of friends. Why don’t you join us as we examine the areas of excess in our own lives, from food to clothing to media….you’ll hear more in the upcoming weeks but I promise you: you want to be part of this!

4. I had a weird God-ish moment yesterday regarding this article. Not sure what will happen next, but read it to see if you can figure out why it freaked me out (in a good way).

Off to a weekend of celebrating my hub’s birthday. Hard to believe I was celebrating with him when he turned 18. He didn’t like me so much then, but hey, I won that battle. Here’s to 19 years of birthdays and decades more to come! I’m so thankful this morning for the craziest things: a blog where I can connect with you from all over the place, twitter where I can read articles about women named Nikole and Eunice, coffee (always coffee), great friends to laugh with, and a God who takes delight in me just because he made me, not because of anything I can do. Amazing.

 

 

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