A Love/Hate Relationship with ???

I was chatting with a friend last night (yes, David, this makes for your third mention in one month on this blog) and he said how much he enjoys comments on blogs, even more, sometimes, than the original post. (yes, David, I just “outed” you as a male reader on this site. You are not alone. Feel free to comment.)

I agreed with him completely. I’d rather write one post and chat about it with commenters for a week than yammer on every day. Alone. While the rest of you listen silently. And the there’s nothing like post was so fun, I thought it was time for another! So here goes:

What are the things in this world that people either love or hate?

Here’s my short Love/Hate list to get you thinking:

  • Cats
  • Running
  • Other people’s children
  • Dancing
  • Silence
  • Taking risks
  • A microphone and a room full of people
  • Video Games
  • Reading
  • Karaoke
  • Lists
  • Entertaining/Hospitality
  • ????

Do you agree with my love/hate list? Which of these do you love and hate? And can you add to the list? (Bonus if you know which of these items I love or hate!)


What’s Up Wednesdays: Conversation Smokescreens

What’s up with people who don’t say what they mean?

I was going to title this “girl” smokescreens, but I realized that’s super-biased of me. Plenty of (well, some) guys have trouble saying what they mean. Have you ever in the name of “nice” not really said what you should to someone? Have you ever in the name of “friends” masked your true intention behind some kind of conversation razz-ma-tazz? What’s up with that?

This one baffles me when I see it in action. Here’s a mashed-up scenario from several different stories, just to give you a feel for it:

“So, I think what Megan’s doing is really crazy, being with that guy and all. So Megan and I were talking, and I said, [SMOKESCREEN] ‘whew, remember that time I dated Johnny and he was such a jerk…wow, I’m so glad one of my friends talked to me about that, because I really needed a friend at that time to talk to me about my relationships.’  I figured I would tell her that, and then she would want to talk to me about her relationship, but she didn’t. So I guess I tried!”

Um, no. No you didn’t. You threw up some kind of crazy smokescreen out of your mouth that in some convulted way was what you WANTED to say, but really it was a manipulation of your words (and maybe even the story) so that you could throw out a hint. So WHAT’S UP WITH THIS? Here’s some of my reasons why I think we throw smokescreens:

  • We are scared. We are scared to actually state our opinion, because by doing so, we risk our friend not liking our opinion, which, in turn, means they might not like us.

  • We are wrong. We know instinctively that we are controlling something too much, but we really feel strongly and have a hard time letting it go.

  • We are conflict-avoidant. We know that by stating our feelings clearly, we might start a fight. So we’d rather just let it go.

  • We are nice. We don’t like to hurt people’s feelings.

Compelling reasons, but here’s the problem. Check out Jesus’ words from the Sermon on the Mount, as translated by The Message:

“And don’t say anything you don’t mean. This counsel is embedded deep in our traditions. 34 You only make things worse when you lay down a smoke screen of pious talk, saying, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ and never doing it, or saying, ‘God be with you,’ and not meaning it. You don’t make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.

Wow. I’m like jumping out of my chair right now…I haven’t read this translation before RIGHT NOW and how cool is it that this translated passage covers both Christianese and smokescreens! If you have a problem with smokescreens, for the reason I listed above or for other reasons, consider Jesus’ words. One caveat: I don’t think Jesus is calling us to start blasting people with our searing-hot version of the “truth” in the form of how messed up they are, how they suck as a person, etc. Like everything else, speaking straight comes under the umbrella of love. But I DO think it’s time to examine what we say and how we say it. How do you tell someone when they’ve hurt your feelings? That you are concerned with something going on with them? That you need something from them–a conversation, a word, a hug? Are you one to let your words speak straight? It’s possible your “nice” is coming across as smoke– blocking your intentions in a cloud of other words.

This weekend we’ll talk about the power of one statement to blow away the smoke and get to the point. Stay tuned!


What’s Up Wednesdays: Ignoring Gifts in the Local Church

The longer I live, the more astounded I am with the talent, intelligence and gifts of the people I meet. Some of them are packing multiple degrees like off-duty police officers pack heat. Some of them are just trying to survive middle school. They look much different on the outside, but when I hear their stories they all write like a bestselling memoir. They have joy and pain. Dark nights of the soul and great moments of clarity. They have chapters and chapters still unwritten, full of potential.

So why, oh why, do they not use their gifts for the church? This is a travesty. I know women who start successful businesses, stay busy as PTA Presidents, and can kick a soccer ball so hard they make high school boys cry. I know men with incredible intelligence, amazing technology skills, and gentle affection for children that makes me cry.

Many of them use these talents in the local church, and that makes my heart feel so full. It creates a living picture to Paul’s words about being the hands and feet and head of Christ, all with different functions but working together to share Christ’s love with the world. I picture all of us inhabiting a Star-Wars like robot, a huge piece of equipment doing good, each of us with our own levers to pull and buttons to push.

Yet so many don’t. They are incredible leaders. They can power an organization, motivate hundreds of people to action, and create complex organizational plans. They can conduct meetings with strangers and sell medical devices. But they don’t offer their gifts to the local church.

I say local church because I think there’s a very trendy world-mission thing going on right now in evangelical circles. And I like it, I really do. I think it’s high time that evangelicals got on board with the plight of sex trafficking, women in oppression and slavery, clean water, and a whole host of issues around the world that are completely unacceptable.

But I also know that every Sunday in your local church, there is a child who’s family is falling apart. A child who’s parents are so wrapped up in their own pain they forget to hug him and kiss his boo boos.

There’s a high schooler who’s thoughts of suicide greet him with the morning light and keep him awake long after the sun goes down.

There’s a single mom who’s doing her best to stay faithful to her family, but feels the ache and burden of raising her children alone.

There’s that young couple who smile broadly because they should be happy with life, but they just can’t seem to make marriage work. They will file for a separation this week.

There’s the guy who’s been out of work for ten months now. He wants to be brave and manly, but he’s terrified, insecure and depressed.

These are our people. This is our local church. It is made up of people who need answers. Who need healing. Who want purpose. People who are incredibly gifted and have amazing stories, and who, if freed up to do so, can make an enormous difference in this world.

The church is also full of people who are comfortable. Who are shopping for a new SUV after the service. Who just put a payment down on their beach house for vacation. Who are busy with all kinds of activities and the whirlwind pace of suburbia, but aren’t quite sure what they are doing with all of this, well, stuff of life.

I want the comfortable people to meet the broken people. I want the broken people to feel heard and the comfortable people to wrestle with questions. I want the body to unite, right here in the local church. I want you to read this words and get disturbed by something, by dirty water or lonely children, and do something about it. Sacrifice time, raise money, offer leadership.

Do I want too much?

As Christians, do you think we have a responsibility to the local church? How does that play out in your life?


What’s Up Wednesdays: Green Insanity

Ah, summer. Swimming pools and suntans. Easy-living clothes and lots of free time. But most of all: wonderful, bountiful produce at the grocery store. Since I spent four years growing up in California, I expect my fruits and veggies to be delicious, fresh, and in the summer, affordable.

So imagine my surprise living in Richmond, where produce is often neither local nor affordable nor fresh! Last summer at my local Kroger I picked up a flaccid, flimsy cucumber. From Mexico. Overpriced. This Kroger could have grown cucumbers in their parking lot in Richmond in June, for goodness sake. And they would have been fresher.

So when Rachel from Urban Nest: posted this info, I was sold. Next week I’ll post after our first week with Fall Line Farms!

I mentioned last week that I belong to a farm co-op called Fall Line Farms.  The co-op program connects 75 local farms and businesses with customers like me.  Each week the farms post what they have available online, and I place my order.  A few days later, I pick up my goodies at a church that is right around the corner from our house – it couldn’t be easier.  Pick up day really has become a treat for me.  It’s actually fun to unload my groceries (something I don’t normally enjoy doing) and see all of the fresh food.  Like last week’s Purple Royalty raspberries, so delicious, and these eggs:

Normally the eggs I get from the farm are all dark brown, but this week there was a pretty mix and even a few in shades of blue.  Last night’s dinner was the first I’ve made that came entirely from the co-op.

We had pork chops, a mix of summer squash, and a roasted beet salad with goat cheese and micro arugula.  I didn’t do anything complicated with the ingredients, just a little salt and pepper and olive oil.  It’s amazing how delicious simple, fresh food can be!  If you’re interested in finding a similar program near you, check out LocalHarvest to search your area.


What’s Up Wednesdays

What’s Up Wednesdays

What’s up with thinking that every time you crack open the Bible or pray, God’s going to move mountains?

Read more…