If you got a grade in picking relationships, what would it be?

Guest Post: Author Renee Johnson on “Brokenness” kicked off our week of talking about friendships and relationships.

Several years ago I read the book Boundaries , a hugely popular book that obviously struck a nerve with Christians. The authors talk about boundaries–what they are, how we learn them, and how to reinforce principles of healthy living so we can have good relationships with those around us. I think it should be required reading for every human.

One of my favorite little concepts in the book is the concept of pearls and pigs. Drawing from Jesus’ words in his long teaching called the Sermon on the Mount (you may know it as the part of scripture where Jesus starts with blessed are the poor in spirit….blessed are those who mourn…do not judge others)…but Jesus also says this:

“do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs.” Matthew 7:6

The authors of Boundaries compare our hearts to “pearls”. Our stories and our personality, the love we offer others, the way we sacrifice our own needs in order to please those we love — that is our precious gift to the world, our valued possessions. Even our brokenness and hurts are pearls, because they have value to teach us and others.

And when we have no boundaries, we might as well fling those pearls out in front of smelly pigs–gossip-lovers, manipulators, or dominators that masquerade as ‘friends’ but treat our stories with about as much care as a two-ton farm animal.

Are you one who gets the whole “love our neighbor” thing but isn’t sure about pearls and pigs? Do you leave your heart wide open, throwing your stuff out in front of anyone and expecting them to treat your pearls with value? Not everyone does. This is one of my problems with small groups–the unspoken assumption in some groups that you should just go to level 10 vulnerability as soon as you show up– with complete strangers. I think that’s wrong. Your pearls–your hurts, your story, your vulnerabilities–are precious. And if you’ve been hurt before, it’s tempting to just completely close off and never offer that part of yourself to anyone, which is bad for you, and then robs good friends of the chance to see what beautiful pearls you have to offer! 

But Jesus calls us to be wise. To determine the pearls of our heart and the pigs to avoid.

Strong words from the mouth of Jesus.

I wonder if you agree? Do  you tend to stay guarded in new friendships? How do you determine if a friend is trustworthy?